FOREPLAY!

So, the other day I helped my Grandfather take some unwanted backyard debris to the local dump. Despite being warned by dump officials not to scavenge, I found several items of interest, the most bizarre of which was a board game entitled Foreplay: A Game for Lovers. Foreplay is a sex game which opens doors to discussion between lovers. The back of the box elucidates on the game’s objectives:

“There are no losers in Foreplay. Both players win by gaining a new understanding of their partner and experiencing a romantic interlude. Share and explore each other’s thoughts. What is your most secret fantasy…what is your lover’s? What has been the most exciting sexual experience you have shared together? The first one to finish the game receive immediate physical pleasures. Imagine your body being caressed. Relax as fragrant oil is massaged into your thighs. Indulge and pamper yourself: pamper your partner [interesting colon use] Revitalise your love-life…play FOREPLAY”

Well, you’ll understand, I just couldn’t leave the game to rot a skip, I had to take it with me. Among other things, Foreplay makes use of Heart Cards, which contain instructions for physical foreplay. If a played lands on a space corresponding with a Heart Card he or she must “perform” for their partner. Some are remarkably impractical:

and nearly all a DISTINCTLY unerotic:

Can you imagine the mess!

The horror as your hair-dryer wielding partner accidentally flips the super heating switch!

Several of the cards must have been left blank for players to write down their own suggestions. The game’s previous owners have happily done so:

Go on! Do it! Anyone of your choice!!!

If anyone’s keen to play, let me know…